In the Moment of a Silent Thought
by The Windy Woman
Summary: Snape's thoughts when he must kill Dumbledore. One shot. Complete.


The silence in the room was loud. Behind the façade of blank eyes and expressionless face lay a roiling storm. Severus Snape almost shivered.

"Will you, Severus, watch over my son, Draco, as he attempts to fulfill the Dark Lord's wishes?"

If he said no, his chances to help the Order were over, the Death Eaters would know who he was, he would be a dead man by morning—

"I will."

"And will you, to the best of your ability, protect him from harm?"

—But on the other hand, he had to think what he was saying, what he was promising—

"I will."

"And, should it prove necessary…if it seems Draco will fail…will you carry out the deed that the Dark Lord has ordered Draco to perform?"

—Here it was, the decision. They had discussed this, the course of action, and he already knew what he must do—

There was a pause.

"I will."

A death sentence.

* * *

Some say that love is the most powerful force that exists in the world. By Snape's example, they were right. But even with love, there were problems. Along the whole path of his life, he had been fighting love with hate and hate with love. The one person in the world who had felt any compassion for him had been driven away by his hate; and when she then hated him, his heart turned, and their places were reversed. Since then, two things had haunted him: she was married to his enemy, and she had died by his words. 

It was the latter event that had sent his world spinning even faster than his master's. That was also the reason the one man who gave second chances had believed him. Only love can create such remorse and regret; it cannot be faked by any magic or mask. When a man accepts another's remorse and offers him sympathy, they form a bond of friendship. Now it was that darn friendship that was to bring about a repetition of events. He could not do it again; he could not harm the ones he cared for. But he would have to.

* * *

Knocking assaulted the silence. For a moment, the figure by the fire stood frozen, the firelight showing the harsh lines of his face. It was time. 

"Come in."

The man who entered was small, and though dressed as a staff member, came in with hair and glasses askew.

"…So many, oh goodness, and Dumbledore's away! But there are so many, dressed in black, all in black, Death Eaters, Severus, so many of them, we are trying to keep them back…oh, but Dumbledore's gone, we just can't hold them back, they keep attacking, there's just too many of them, and we need your help…"

Snape held his wand under his cloak. He already knew what message the man was bringing.

"Stupify." 

The man slumped to the floor. Snape hesitated for a moment—but only a moment—and then in two steps was out the door.

The first surprise: _two girls were waiting outside his door! Friends of Potter…he must have known somehow._ But it didn't matter now.

"Professor Flitwick passed out from shock. Stay out of the halls…" he heard his own voice say. It sounded like a stupid warning, considering what he was to do. He would bring about the death of them all.

Footsteps of the unstoppable doom echoed down the hall.

* * *

He was at the fray within minutes, but he barely cared what went on here. He dodged a few curses, but passed through unscathed. No one was trying to jinx him, for none of them knew which side he was on. Yet. _And they won't for a long time._

He dashed through the invisible barrier and up the winding staircase. Walking through the barricade caused his left forearm to burn slightly where the Dark Mark was scored upon his flesh, but he did not care.

What met his eyes at the top of that stairwell was no more a surprise than any of the rest of it had been, but the sight still hit him like a bludger. Five Death Eaters stood around a wand-less and clearly suffering old man. Dumbledore. He was not standing tall or strong like he usually did. He had done it, he had found another Horcrux; and here he was, about to die.

The wand in Snape's hand dangled uselessly at his side; and then Amycus was speaking and he had regained his composure. Suddenly, the words of the other Death Eater were drowned out as one horrible voice spoke.

"Severus…"

The sound was weak but frightening beyond anything he had ever heard; fire shot through Snape's veins. For the first time in his life, Dumbledore was pleading.

He could not help it: his body was no longer in his control, and he found himself walking forward in a trance, pushing roughly past the Malfoy boy. Hate and fear and loathing welled up into his face, and for the first time since becoming an Occlumens, his eyes spoke his sentiment. He could not do it; he hated himself, he was weak and horrible.

Did two wrongs make a right? Did one murder make right another? Would this really enable him to defeat the One they all loathed? Or was it all just a big If, a risky plot going terribly wrong.

Behind him, the other Death Eaters had cowered away from him. His rage was etched in every line and crevice of his sharp face. The message that Dumbledore's eyes were sending went into his brain and sat there, numb like the rest of him. Harry Potter was here, on this parapet; he could not be harmed. But Snape was focusing all his energy on something else.

"Severus…please…"

He had to do it. He raised his wand and pointed it directly at Dumbledore's heart. The words flew from his lips:

_"Avada Kedavra!"_

It was finished. He turned and ran.


End file.
